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noctiumrp
« theartistalphinaudandhisass »
TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION
SUMMER ICARIAN ✦ FINAL FANTASY XIV (WoL OC)
RESIDENCE ✦ Residency
GEMBOND ✦ Ruby
"...ltros, what are you doing with that, put that down right now you little —"
RESIDENCE ✦ Residency
GEMBOND ✦ Ruby
"...ltros, what are you doing with that, put that down right now you little —"
no subject
why are you so convinced that you're right and everyone else is wrong about you
you've decided things about yourself
and anytime anyone says otherwise you decide that they're wrong
and they must be wrong because what they're saying doesn't match what you think
but what makes you so convinced you're right and we're not
no subject
if i went tellin you things about yourself you didn't feel like were true
would you just think ah yes i've been wrong about myself all along?
dunno
mayhap some of it's just me bein dismal like i always am an some of it's the habits of ten years i ain't yet broke
but
you ever wonder if mayhap i got my own reasons to see myself so?
no subject
i would stop and consider it at least
because listening to the people who care about you is part of having arms
when i thought i was turning into a lightwarden you told me i was beautiful
and i didn't feel beautiful
i felt like a monster
i was so sure i was turning into a monster
but you told me i wasn't and it made me stop and think that i might be wrong
but of course that's me
and you're not me and you're not like me
or so you always remind me in moments like this
so i'll just ask you instead
do you want me to start treating you the way you see yourself?
no subject
an i deserve that hit as well for havin been such a thoughtless ass
even if i weren't gonna say that nor was thinkin it now
i am sorry i've spoken so badly so many times
honest answer is...
there's always part of me that thinks you an everyone else ought to treat me that way cause i deserve to be punished for all i done, to be alone so i can't ever hurt anyone else
but if you were the sort who would do that, we'd not be havin this conversation and you'd not be you
cause you'd have sent me on my way long ago instead of offerin me the choice to stay
an then the rest of me is just
so glad to not be alone any more
an so glad to be part of you not bein lonely any more either
sorry love i shouldn't have brought this to you
cause i know my gettin like this hurts you
an it don't matter that i didn't start off meanin to say any of this
no subject
it does bother me
but if you hadn't brought it to me what would you have done instead
i just
you said something early on
about how you're not fun but i am and the fun people should all stay together and not you
it's the same way you talk about it when you say i'm special and you're not
but it doesn't feel like a good thing to be special or fun that way
it bothers me because it feels like you're drawing a line between me and you
pulling away
leaving me alone
tis sort of backwards isn't it
you think you need to be alone so you don't hurt anyone
only that's the thing that bothers me most
i shouldn't take it so hard but sometimes i just can't help it
mayhap that's why lavai got upset about it too
only they're not quite like me
i think when they get sad they cut off the thing making them sad so it can't hurt them anymore
no subject
shit that's really not what i meant sayin you're fun an so is raha and them
more like
if you're gonna go be at a party wouldn't it be better to have someone who enjoys parties and talks to people and the like
s why i didn't say estinien in that list aye
cause his idea of fun's the same as mine an that's goin fishin and not talkin to anyone while doin it
put either of us at a normal person fun thing an we're just gonna escape out the window of the nearest loo aren't we
so then why take me to a party thing when i don't like parties and i'm just gonna get a fuckin headache after half a bell and want to go home anyway cause that ain't fair to someone who wants to go do stuff if i'm just draggin em away from it????
fuck why am i so bad at talkin
no subject
mayhap that's the crux of it then
you were asking lavai why they would take you to a party
and they were answering why
but you didn't really want to know why they would do that
that was never the question at all
because to you it was obvious why you wouldn't have fun at one
but it wasn't obvious to them
no subject
well...if i'm bein honest love
i also got no idea why they'd want to be around me at all but
i am tryin to get better at it not matterin if i don't understand shit like that and just... acceptin it
not sayin i'm any good at that but
m tryin
kind of like you told me with raha back before aye
...so should i send them a message to tell them that what i meant is i don't like parties?
an i should've just said no to that bit right off aye
didn't want to disappoint them and i ended up makin it a lot worse
no subject
if you rush off to try to fix it while it's still fresh in your mind
there's a good chance you'll still be all tangled up in your thoughts and make things worse again
i think you should read your conversation with them again
learn the way they talk
look for the point when they went one way and you went another
and then after you've had some time to settle, try again
no subject
you normally are about stuff like this
i'll give it some time and try to figure where i got it all tangled up
(also i promise that when you n raha do your wedding i won't escape out the window of the loo)
(an i'll make sure estinien don't either)
no subject
just too many people about?
too loud?
no subject
too loud
probably that's what makes the headaches
and just
i've never like bein around many people even when i was a kit aye
scares the daylights out of me
mum said i was just fool shy and i'd grow out of it
didn't grow out of it