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[voidgates]

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SUMMER ICARIAN ✦ FINAL FANTASY XIV (WoL OC)
RESIDENCE ✦ Residency
GEMBOND ✦ Ruby

"...ltros, what are you doing with that, put that down right now you little —"

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[bloodwhet]

yes. No. More.

[ Sadly his Summer isn't a black mage, so he doesn't quite know to use the 'like switching from umbral ice to astral fire' metaphor. ]

like everything is as it is. Like
did Feo-Ul speak to you? Before you left for the sea? Did they tell you how it is, to be a pixie?

[voidgates]

no future and no past, nothing but the present moment forever?

[bloodwhet]

yes.

[ rcelaanbestia is typing... ]

i misspoke before. Producing manna feels like what touching feels like. What touching feels like is not like touching. It is like considering touching and then doing so. And then it is like wondering if touching is correct and whether to continue. And then it is like thinking about the implications of touching and what will happen when touching ceases. Touching does not feel like touching at all because there are too many pasts and futures.

being part of the wood feels like being part of the wood. And sometimes producing manna feels like touching. Just like touching and not like any other things. This is how they are the same. They feel like what they are and nothing else.

[voidgates]

rolanberry would say that's what it feels like when he's leapt into a dive
because he's a dragoon and dragoons are like that
but i understand that too

being part of the wood is like falling
rolanberry would say it makes everything go quiet

someone could fall and think of nothing but the pasts and futures too
how it happened
why it happened
what will happen to them when it ends

but sometimes falling is just being part of the air and nothing else

[bloodwhet]

is that how it feels to jump from things? For you. Not for Rolanberry.

[voidgates]

no, not exactly
i like falling because it lets me feel how high i climbed

the climb is like preparing a spell
the fall is how it feels to cast it and let it go

it's fast and it's free and it's reckless
and i feel more like myself that way than i do in most any other circumstance

[bloodwhet]

so it is similar. The same being what you are. But because there is a past, and not because there is not one.

it feels like being free because you remember not being free. And it feels fast because you remember climbing being slow.

[voidgates]

that's right
things are more important when you can remember a time you'd not had them

there was a time before i knew you
and a time before you were brought here to this place

i'm all the more happy to have you now because i remember how it was when i didn't

[bloodwhet]

it was why it was different, i think. To perform synchrony with G'raha. It was the same as always at first. All pasts and futures. And then i remembered.

i was angry with him, when we returned from the ocean. my him. Angrier than i have been with anyone. Because he brought you to fight for me, because i was too weak. When i did not know if i was strong enough to protect you.

but i remembered that it was you. For this him it was you. You were the one who was in the ocean. And he brought me to you. So that i could fight for you, when you needed me.

and that was when it changed.

1/2

[voidgates]

[There's a lot to unpack here, and there'll be time to do it piece by piece, but there's at least one thing about this commentary that her attention goes straight to first.]

you were mad at him because of me?

[voidgates]

...because he put me in danger

because for all you knew doing that might just have been bringing me to die alongside you

[bloodwhet]

it was worse. Then. the light. I could not keep you safe. Not from anything. Not from me.

[voidgates]

were you angry with me?

the other me
your me

[bloodwhet]

a little. Less angry, than with him. Scared. Ashamed.

i did not want you there.
you should not have been there.

[voidgates]

is

[She has to think about this one for a minute. Careful. Uncertain.]

is the light what makes it different

because i was the one who had it when you were brought to me
but you were the one who had it when i was brought to you

[bloodwhet]

it is. It is him. That makes it different.

when you had the light, he wanted to protect you. I think he wanted to protect you. he wanted to protect Summer who thinks that landing is worth falling and whose clothes smell like burnt instead of like ink.
when I had it. he wanted to protect a person who he had made up. he wanted to protect Marcel who would let Summer be hurt. and I am Marcel, who does not want that. and I do not like Marcel who would let Summer be hurt. I think he is a bad Marcel and that he does not exist. And I do not like people who like him.

[voidgates]

i understand
when it was me you both wanted the same thing

he wanted you there to keep me safe
and you wanted you there to keep me safe
and i wanted you there to keep me safe too

but when it was you, you wanted different things
he wanted summer there to help you
and you wanted her far away

and he got his way and you didn't

[bloodwhet]

yes.

i did not want you there. where you might be hurt. where i might hurt you.

and there are a lot of people who do not care what i want. i am not angry with them. but he does care what i want. and he put you in danger anyway.

[voidgates]

and you still had to fight hades while feeling like that...

bad enough to have to do it at all
but to do it while angry at the exarch and worried about me

that must have been terrible to have to go through

[bloodwhet]

i did not like it.

but it is over now. and you are safe. and now there is another you, who is not safe. But I can be there to make her safer.

[voidgates]

and there's a g'raha here who made the right choice
the choice that you wanted

and so you feel comfortable with him

[bloodwhet]

yes.

i do not dislike the one i know. i am not angry anymore. but this one
you needed me, and he made it so that i was there to keep you safe.

and I know he did not do that for me.
but it is all that I wanted, and he did it.

i think that is why it works better. the perfomance of synchrony.

[voidgates]

aye
because there isn't that disagreement
no dissonance

so making manna means finding people that you have that sort of understanding with
that alignment

and once you do you'll be achieving your pail list goal

[bloodwhet]

i see.

if i find people who think that you are important. then it will work.

[voidgates]

to start with

but
you should also find people who agree with you on other things

you might not even need to know that you agree first
maybe you'll find them and realize it only after the synchrony works

and then you'll have learned something new about yourself too