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[voidgates]

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SUMMER ICARIAN ✦ FINAL FANTASY XIV (WoL OC)
RESIDENCE ✦ Residency
GEMBOND ✦ Ruby

"...ltros, what are you doing with that, put that down right now you little —"

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[basura_boi]

fuck

[voidgates]

we're getting raha to give you a name

you deserve one
we're not calling you FIRST SON OF YOUR MOTHER anymore

[basura_boi]

...i guess if anyone's giving me a men's name it ought to be him since at least

if i'm his mate that counts as clan???

but

i feel like i ought to be insulted on my mother's behalf now a little

not that i was much good as a son

but

you haven't been calling Ezar's first son either

you've just been calling me by her name

[voidgates]

rolanberry stop
don't turn this into another of those things where you act like you don't have something because you don't deserve it

i'm not mad at your mother or your clan or even at keepers in general really

it's just
your name is something that should be most yours
more yours than anything else
not just who you are in relation to someone else

what if i told you that you couldn't call me summer anymore
or starshine
or love
or anything

what if all those names were taken away and i was just
desch's youngest daughter
and nothing else

do you really mean to say that wouldn't bother you even a little?

[basura_boi]

no that's not what i meant at all

me being a bad son is... a different thing we don't need to get into

i'm actually still angry at my mother sometimes because she kept me in her house. i wish she had sent me to live with the men. i think things would have been very different but that also isn't how it worked out and... i am trying to let it go but it's complicated

but it is not that i feel i don't "deserve" a men's name that is a very weird way to put it? i just don't have one because the men never gave me one because i lived with my mother until i ran away from my clan

and it was not the best idea that i used my mother's name when i signed on with the maelstrom but i panicked and couldn't think of another name to give at the time and then it was too late so i just have to hope i have not... dishonored her name by what i've done since

and with the question you asked

...yes, i would be upset if someone took all your names away and said that had to be your name now because i know that would upset you

though i would still always know you whatever name you had because you are you and you are beautiful

but that is not the situation here i think

i never had other names to be taken away

being "ezar rhiki" was a name i always knew was a shield because it protected my clan name and that protected me. i'm very used to everyone just calling me 'ezar' because that is the only name they have ever known me by but i also always remember it is my mother's name because it isn't as if i could forget

you can still call me rolanberry or whatever you like

it's just kind of funny that rolanberry is the first name i've ever been given that isn't to do with my mother or my clan

[voidgates]

let me ask you this then

do you want a name
one that's just yours

one that isn't about who you're related to or where you come from or what you are to someone else

do you want one that's just for you

[basura_boi]

if i think about it... aye

be nice to finally

be a full adult

though hah

there was something else i was going to ask you for and it wasn't a name

[voidgates]

then ask me

for both things i mean
what's the other thing

[basura_boi]

you already gave me a name :)

i think... it would be better for g'raha to give me a name, since i never got my men's name

unless you think he'd just get flustered and use a lot of big words and not want to do it

that's very possible too

the other thing...

since i am the kind of mate who stays with you instead of you sending me away when you're done with me

i... want something to mark me as yours

and i will ask g'raha for that too

unless that isn't something your people do and you wouldn't want to

that is also all right

[voidgates]

oh i know he won't want to
he'll want to make you pick for yourself
or just choose ezar because that's the name he already thinks is yours

so you may have to tell him why it's important to you
and then remind him that he's the closest thing to a male clan member that you have right now
he'll do it if you ask him that way

but hmmm
do you mean like an object
or something more permanent?

[basura_boi]

hmm

is it all right if i tell him my clan name?

[ This might seem like a strange question to ask, but... unless he tells G'raha, Summer is the only living person other than him who knows that name. ]

either an object or something more permanent would be all right

i want something so that every time i look at it i am reminded i belong with you

[voidgates]

tell me something first
why are you asking me if it's all right

what i mean is
what question are you really asking underneath it

do you mean would i mind it
or do i give you permission to do it
or something else

[basura_boi]

i think...

both

do you mind it and do you give your permission

[voidgates]

tell me why you're asking my permission

[basura_boi]

i am asking permission because i am your mate and you're the closest i have to a matriarch

and i want to know if you'd mind because it's a secret i've only told you so it's yours

[voidgates]

i think...
if you need me to be your matriarch then we need to talk sometime about what that means
i don't know enough about keeper things

but i can learn how to be one
you understand what i mean when i say that, aye?

i'll learn if it's important to you and i think it's clear that it is
i don't want you to have to be without things that are important to you

[basura_boi]

i think...

hmmm

it's also not fair of me to just ask that of you and i made a bad assumption because i wasn't thinking

but you actually act like a matriarch a lot

you take care of both me and g'raha. you make the difficult decisions. you pick the direction everyone moves in.

you and g'raha are both better than me at thinking about the three of us as all together but you're a woman so of course i'm going to defer to you more

[voidgates]

i don't know what a matriarch is supposed to act like

if you had compared me to one i think i would've said that i wasn't
because raha is better at leading people than me
and i don't feel like i'm good at difficult decisions either

but what i mean is
i think in a way you sort of

you feel uneasy if you don't have a matriarch
don't you?
you would feel better if you had one because it's what you're used to

[basura_boi]

i think matriarchs act different ways. megumi is a matriarch and she acts very very different from how my mother ever acted

i don't think g'raha is better at it than you

you just have different ways of going about things

and g'raha's way works better for you and your way works a lot better for me

(and megumi's way really really doesn't work for me i think)

i haven't had a matriarch for ten years though and i sure didn't defer to my mother the way i defer to you we argued a lot and i hid from her a lot and then i finally ran away...

hahaha i think most keeper males would look at it and think that i don't want a matriarch at all cause i tried so hard to get away from mine aye

though i guess you could say that the maelstrom gave me structure instead

i did a lot better there

[voidgates]

i don't want to be a matriarch like megumi

i think what i'm trying to ask is
what does a matriarch do?

or no
i think what i mean is
what do you need a matriarch to do

what do i do that you need
what can i do better
what do you need more of

that sort of thing

[basura_boi]

matriarch's the head of the clan

she doesn't have to make all the decisions because that would be too much for one person aye but she's the one that makes the final decision if needed

she sets the clan's... emotional tone, like, because she's the example

takes care of those in her clan and sees if they're in a bad way and gives em a push in the right direction, moderates disputes and such

decides when we go to war and when we hide

keeps the memories alive

so you see why i already felt like you're my matriarch aye

you been taking care of me like no one else ever has

even when it's been hard and i've been difficult you've been helping me see how to... make decisions and keeping me from getting lost in my own head and turned around

and you don't leave me feeling like i'm wasting your time cause i'm male

[voidgates]

is that why it

[But then she stops, and thinks better of it, and doubles back.]

all right
now explain something else to me please

you say that often
the part about me sending the men away
or it being strange that i keep them close
or making it sound like you're not good for anything except breeding frankly

so explain that to me
what you expect
what makes you say those things

and don't just say because men are stupid because that's not an answer
however true it might be :)

[basura_boi]

i've come to understand that my clan is very traditional mostly because of things megumi has said to me

the way it is supposed to be is that the women keep the village and protect what is sacred to us

and the men are sent out into the forest to live away because men are annoying and grumpy and always causing trouble

and then when the women want mates they will call the men they want back in

and then send them away again when they become annoying so they can have their kits in peace

i think in some clans the men live by themselves, which sounds very lonely

one of the men that came back to my village because he was called to be a mate told me that our men had a nomadic encampment that moved through our hunting grounds

and we had our own heartsingers and our own names and our own secret ways that i never learned and they would watch over what was ours to protect in their own way and send word back to the matriarch when there was trouble she needed to know about

megumi told me that in her clan men could stay and go as they pleased and weren't sent out to live on their own but

honestly that sounds terrible to me because i didn't enjoy being around a bunch of women who were only interested in my lineage and i really didn't want to mate with any of them

[voidgates]

i'm not sure if my tribe were very typical seekers either honestly
as with all things i suppose some are stricter or more traditional than others

but i always had males around when i was growing up
and engaging with them was just expected

to be isolated or sent away would be a punishment

but my closest friend was a tia like raha
and there were other males i kissed and played with
it wasn't as though any of it was for breeding or mating so it was just fun

it seems so strange to me every time you talk about being sent away
or about me getting rid of you and raha
even as a joke
because to me that's something unimaginable
it would be like i was punishing the two of you and it's strange to even think of

[basura_boi]

if you sent me away it would feel like a punishment

because i want to stay with you and i belong with you

which is strange to me because when i lived among the women in my village all i wished was to be sent away because i didn't belong there and i didn't want to be there no matter how much i loved my sisters

so having to stay felt like the punishment instead

i always wondered how it was women and men could live together and such even after i ran away and i didn't really understand it because i didn't ever talk to people like i talk to you and g'raha

it makes sense to me now

though i think my clan would have had to be very different about a lot of things for it to be like that

and the women seemed happy enough not having the men around unless they wanted to breed. they all just played with each other. and there were several women that had cocks so they didn't even need the men for breeding that much probably except i guess for wanting certain mother-lines.