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[voidgates]

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TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION

SUMMER ICARIAN ✦ FINAL FANTASY XIV (WoL OC)
RESIDENCE ✦ Residency
GEMBOND ✦ Ruby

"...ltros, what are you doing with that, put that down right now you little —"

INFO ✧ PERMISSIONS ✧ KINKLIST ✧ EXTRA

Comments

[basura_boi]

i'm such a fucking idiot

[voidgates]

if it makes you feel better
aymeric likely appreciated the fact that you didn't know who he was

he doesn't like being "special"
and his job is burdensome and difficult

i'm certain he found it a welcome change to have the chance to just be aymeric

[basura_boi]

don't know
mayhap it does
since he's very kind and does deserve to be happy and all

but

bein the only piece of nobody is

[ Struggling to think of the right word, he gives up and phonetically sounds out something in his own dialect. People still seem to understand just fine when he does so. ]

feels like (being always on the outside and never welcomed to the fire)

also i know i'm stupid but don't think anyone likes feelin stupid even then

[voidgates]

stop
i'm not saying it isn't a rotten feeling or that you can't feel bad

but don't go spiraling off on that "i'm the only nobody" business
you're making yourself different again

have you ever considered that no one would know you weren't a warrior of light if you didn't tell them so?

[basura_boi]

that is... really not a compliment to you warriors of light if you're gonna put it that way

i'm not making myself different summer

i AM different

i understand that we're all people and we all... put on our trousers one leg at a time and such

but there's also malms of difference between the life i got and the life you got or raha got or aymeric got

malms of difference in power and duty and experience and the like

an trust i ain't being jealous cause mother moon knows i do not want the kind of responsibility or any of the like cause i'd only fuck it up

and trust i also know that it ain't something you went looking for or want or even really feel belongs to you a lot of the time and i think i've not been treating you like you wouldn't want to be treated, least i hope not

but there is a difference love and i
i wish people'd stop pretending like there isn't

[voidgates]

i don't care if you say you're not like us
that's true

i don't care if you say we're more powerful than you
that's also true

i don't care if you say we're more experienced or responsible or traveled than you
all of that is true

i care that you act as though not having any of it makes you less than us
i care that you think not having those things means you don't matter

when you stop equating different with bad then i'll start conceding that you are

[basura_boi]

love, i didn't matter

star kept going just fine without me

and that's all right

i wouldn't want to matter that much

[voidgates]

i'm trying to get you to sit next to me at the fire

don't stand outside it yourself just to be stubborn

[basura_boi]

what am i being stubborn about??

[voidgates]

do you still think different means bad

[basura_boi]

don't know if i agree that's what i thought before?

[voidgates]

what did you think before then

tis a real question
genuine i mean

because when you say you're a nobody that means you think we're all somebodies
and you don't make being a nobody sound like a good thing

[basura_boi]

being a nobody kept me alive for ten years didn't it

trying to think how to explain this

if being "nobody" was bad, wouldn't it mean i should want to be "somebody"?

but that's the very last thing i want

i can see the caste(??? i don't think that's the right word) in places too. like haurchefant has told me about some things in ishgard. and i wouldn't want to be in the "important" caste that is nobles, i would rather be the not-nobles.

(in fact if anything after all i have seen... i think people having a lot of power is often the bad thing)

so i don't think it's bad to be a nobody person

... maybe there's a different word i should be useing?

[voidgates]

it sounds like you feel left out
when you say it the way you do i mean

it sounds like you're upset that we're all the somebodies
and you don't get to be one of us

[basura_boi]

sometimes i am left out because all of you can have conversations i don't understand but that is how it is

you and raha are very good about explaining things to me when i am being left out of a you and raha thing and you want to include me

but with the bigger group i think

i think it is complicated

mostly i would rather drift at the edges. it's an easy way to stay alone.

but sometimes

it isn't that i want to be a somebody

it's that i want everyone to stop pretending that i am and... see me
because i exist and i am different

which is strange because i don't like being seen and
i was always taught how dangerous that is

i don't know

i understand that you and i guess aymeric like pretending that you are nobodies because then you get to sit at the fire when you're also around nobodies

[voidgates]

what would that look like

the somebodies seeing you for being different
what would they say or do

[basura_boi]

i don't know

[voidgates]

mayhap the somebodies don't either

[basura_boi]

maybe there's not really a way

cause you're either in a group or not i suppose

i know... you've told me you've had your times feeling like you didn't belong in places

what ended up making you feel like you belonged when you did find it and was it cause you were the same as everyone or cause they saw you being different